An Update of Sorts on Me Writing

It certainly has now.  Three years since I've written here?  WOW!  I really did not intend for it be such a long time.  But it has been.

I'm still struggling with writing.  Not much has really changed on that front in the last three years.  I guess that's why I haven't blogged here.  I mean do you guys really want to hear me complain about not being able to write...all...the...time?  Or almost all the time?  I don't think so.  I didn't want to bore you with the complaints.

I still want and hope to continue and finish the story I started writing in 2005.   As I may have mentioned before, it was going fairly well I thought.  I was getting words written, I was researching ideas.  I even was starting to work on it for NaNoWriMo.

But then in November of 2006, my world went into a tailspin and turned upside down.  I put NaNo on hold.  My Grandmother died on Thanksgiving day.  It was one of the worst days and worst weeks of my life.  The day she died, the words stopped flowing and my Muse grew silent.  I don't know if my Muse was somehow connected to my Grandma.  I do know she believed in me.  She supported my hopes and dreams.  At that time, she was probably the only person who did.

Since that time, I have tried on and off to write.  Something, anything!   In 2007, I met a friend online (in WoW).  He was a writer too.  And we would talk about things, about writing, writer's block and the like.   He offered to help me out of my block by tag team writing a collaboration.   Now this wasn't anything we were going to publish.  It was just for us, to get the juices flowing.  And so it began with he starting a story (or did I start?  I don't recall now.) and sending it to me.  I would add to it and send it back.  Then we discovered Google Documents and put it there, so all we had to do I email each other when we had done our addition.  It was going pretty good too.  Until he said we needed to do something different.  Unwittingly, I apparently was writing too closely to an idea he was working on for a novel he wanted to publish.  I had no idea!  I didn't even know what his novel, a trilogy if I recall, was going to be about.

So we started a new story.  And we worked on that for a bit.  Then I don't know what happened.  He suddenly didn't have time anymore.  He grew distant, and now we don't even speak anymore.  It's sad really.  I miss my friend.  I thought he was my friend anyway.  Maybe I was wrong?

Every year though, I try to do NaNoWriMo.  The last couple of years, I have also tried to do other WriMos in between.  None with much success.  But I keep trying.  So now here we are in August of 2013.  There's a challenge starting September 1st.  To write 2 pages a day from September 1st until the end of the year.  IF you can do that, you have the first draft of a completed manuscript.  I plan to try.  If I miss a day, that's okay.  I'm not going to put pressure on myself and stress out if I can't get a day done.

To kind of prepare myself for it, I have been trying something new.  For the last week or so, I have been writing in a notebook before I go to sleep.  I pick a random memory from my childhood and write it down from the "Character's" POV.   It's more like she's viewing the memories in her mind.  At first, I started this with the idea of the MC being a version of my 17 year old self.  But I'm thinking now, I want to change that somewhat.

The good news is I am writing!  It may not be my original story, but it's a start.

NaNoWriMo 2012

Wow, well...it's been a few months since I've updated here.  There really hasn't been too much to update.  The writing has been mostly nonexistent.  There have been a few snippets I managed here and there, but nothing significant.

Of course, October began which in turn stirs up the NaNoWriMo pot.  I began to wonder if I should even try to attempt it this year since well let's be honest, I've not succeeded the last six years.  What would make this year, the seventh for me, different?  Everything!  And Nothing! 

For the first two weeks or so I just pondered if I should or not.  Then about half way through the month, I started getting all sorts of ideas.  GREAT!  Right?  That went on for about a week and a half or so.  Then oh yeah big surprise....I finally pull out a notebook and all the ideas....POOF!!!! Vanish...I can't remember even one of them.  So then, I figured I should just give it up and not do NaNo. 

But the bug had bitten me, the next thing I know I've got my Facebook profile picture set to my participant's icon, my banner is set to a wrimo theme too.  And it's all I can think about!  Plot, plan, characters, ideas be damned.  I don't have much of anything, truthfully I don't have a clue what I'm going to do.  I just have to try. 

I might not make it to 50,000 words.  I might not make it to 30,000.  I might not even make 10,000.  BUT I am looking at it this way....If I can get myself to write, everyday for the month of November regardless of how little or how much.  If I can write every day for 30 days, I will consider it a win.  It would be more than I've ever done any other time.  Of course the main goal is to write 50,000 first and foremost. 

I will try to post my progress here.  Hopefully this will kick of a revival of this blog as well.  It's time for no more excuses.  No more listening to the inner critic.  No more letting the voices of my past dictate my life.

Here's to winning NaNo!

Ah, My Muse, Why Art Thou So Silent?

Well not really, I can hear murmurings but I want loud, shouts of HEY...WRITE THIS! Or..HEY, WRITE THAT!

Life is better, but not without a few more changes that still need to be made. I'm in a better place then I was from a year ago, even since my last post. I started the year off with great intentions of writing. Even had a few twinkles of ideas, but can't seem to get it down on paper.

But I think I know part of the reason. It's the same culprit that caused my Muse to go silent. It's name is cancer. I have a person that I am close to fighting it right now, another person I've grown close to has some skin cancer and now is facing tests to rule out bladder or kidney cancer. A fellow blogger's dad is battling it and another friend's mom is not doing so good right now and was admitted to the hospital last night.

When this f*cker starts hitting this close to home, it takes me right back to November 2006. Back to when I found out that it invaded my Grandma's body with a vengeance. I was told 3 months, I got a week. I felt robbed, cheated of just a little more time with her. I had no time to prepare my children, or to let it sink in myself.

How do I break out of that? I just want to write again.

That Thing Called Writing...

My world turned upside down and the only writing I got done was what went and is still going into my personal journal. It was all I could do after my last posting.

But...I'm in the process of some making some changes and hope to start writing again as soon as I'm settled. One thing that's been nagging at me is the urge to write possible some articles. I don't really know how to get started on it, but there's a few topics I want to write about and maybe get out there in either a print magazine or even an E-zine. I'm not picky. Another thought I've been toying with (again) is maybe writing for Examiner.com or I've been checking out SEED.com.

I would love to know about similar sites, that are reputable and pay for the articles you write and they publish. Also, if you can offer insights/opinions/etc on the 2 I just mentioned that would be awesome too.

Another thing I'm thinking about is can I use my maiden name to write these articles and get paid? I DON'T want to use my married name for A LOT of reasons. But can I legally use my maiden name or even a pen name? I mean if I absolutely have to use my married name until either A) I change it legally back to my maiden name (or other last name...just a thought) or B) I get my divorce. Any advice, thoughts?

So that's where I'm at sort of....Muse is stirring a bit. Feeling the urge to write some articles on topics I feel need writing on. Advice/opinions/reviews on writing sites like SEED.com needed. And lastly...can I legally use my maiden name to write said things?

Any advice, support, information, suggestions....are greatly appreciated.

New Year, New Ideas (hopefully)

Wow! It's been a little while since I wrote here. Not for not having anything to say...but more that I didn't want to repeat that my Muse still isn't really speaking to me much (hmmph...at all).

NaNo ended up being a bust, but I don't really think I pushed myself at all. I had all these other things on my mind...holidays, no money, holidays, in-laws I don't care to be around, etc, etc.

But it's a new year, and I need to do something. I need to create! Something...Anything. I want to write. I need to write! But nothing will flow. I need to figure out how to change that. Partly I think it's that my Muse has gone to where I need to be, but I can't get there yet.

So I was thinking that maybe I can use this blog to do Mama Kat's weekly writing prompts. Or at least do them if the prompts are doable for me. Like I can definitely do one or even 2 for this week. I thought that rather than put them up on my main blog, I'd put them here...this is supposed to be my writing blog after all.

I would also put here any other writing type prompt/challenges that I might come across. That way all writing related things are in one place, and I use the blog for what I intended it to be for... Writing!

Almost Time for NaNoWriMo

Whew! It's been awhile since I wrote here. I just didn't want to blog about my lack of progress. It makes me feel like I've failed even more.

I'm constantly thinking about writing. I'll think up characters and try to figure a situation for them to springboard off of and I just go blank. I miss the days where my character just didn't stay quiet. And I'd have to write notes to myself so I wouldn't forget an idea. Now...I just struggle to even get an idea.

But...In about 2 weeks, it's NaNoWriMo time. Once again, I plan to attempt 50,000 words. This year seems rather daunting since I can't seem to get passed my characters. Plot, setting, cause-effect, it's all just BLANK! I'm tempted to be a rebel this year, and attempt to pick up my original NaNo project.

I know a lot of my blockage is due to my circumstances right now. Being where you don't want to be, longing to be somewhere else, lacking finances to do anything...it weighs you down. Will a change in my location make a difference? I don't know, but it might. But until then, I just have to keep finding other methods to try and jumpstart my writing again.

Don't forget to check out NaNoWriMo.org and sign up if you want to try writing 50,000 words in November.

My Muse Still Eludes Me

I have been thinking a lot lately about my Muse. How she still eludes me. How nothing just seems to flow together or progress past a couple of lines. My characters have grown silent for the most part, both new and old.

One thing I've realized is that my Muse was most active when my Grandma was alive and living here with me. I think some how my Muse and my Grandma were connected. I think perhaps that when my Grandma passed away, in some fashion, my Muse died too. Or at least that form of my Muse.

I've been trying so hard to revive or awaken my Muse that was. But perhaps, it is best I let her lie and it is time to seek out a new Muse. My desire to write hasn't changed, but maybe my Muse has changed.

I've been under a great deal of stress, worry and fear. I know that all that has been, I'm sure, hindering my Muse from being heard in whatever form she might be. Or perhaps my Muse is no longer a female as I thought, but maybe I have a male Muse? Maybe it is time to let go of what was, and look to inspiration from what is and who is in my life. Perhaps my Muse is hiding in my Beloved and I've just been too blinded by everything else to see or hear it.

I once read that Muse was feminine for Inspiration. So what is masculine for Inspiration?

Naming Characters and Places

I think I find this to be one of the harder parts of getting started. Is the naming of the characters and places. I like to use Seventh Sanctum and Serendipity a lot for random generators on place names, they've even spit a few potential character names.

One of my problems is that my character seem to want to have there names of Celtic origin. Maybe it's just that so many of the names sound magical or mystical. And when I think of settings, my mind automatically envisions Medieval England or Ireland or Scotland, or at least some where rural if it were to be modern day but very untouched by the advances of our day. So naturally my places need to have some sort of magical, mystical, possibly Celtic sounding name(s) as well.

It's rare that I get a character that will pop into my head and tell me their name as Declan did. While I would I supposed consider myself a 'panster', I don't really plot my story per se. I have a general idea of what the story is, any ideas about plot, conflicts, characters, etc I will jot down in a note book I dedicate to the project. I can't really plot out, outline, diagram, chart, whatever...I find it holds me back and I need to be free. But writer's block aside...I find that the naming process holds me up quite a bit...I just can't write generic names till I find the right one. That would be like...well if I called my daughter "Baby" or "Hey You" until I found a suitable name for her. It's just something I need to know before I sit to write their stories.

I just wish they were all more like Declan. *SIGH*

Call Me Crazy, But I'll Try Anything!

Okay...so I just heard about JulNoWriMO. I know, I know...wtf is that? Well, If you've heard of NaNoWriMo, you'll understand.

Basically it's write 50,000 words approximately 175 pages in the month of July. Similar to the NaNo held in November. Seems like there's almost one for every month of the year. Maybe I did know about this one and forgot? I dunno. But thanks to Julie, I now know about it (again?).

I'm desperate to try anything to kick start my Muse. I feel her stirring sometimes, like she's been cast into a long deep sleep and she's struggling to wake up. But every time I start to think about writing...anything...I go blank. I mean it's like any thought, even a minor twinkle of a scene...if I even try to start to write...POOF! it's gone.

I truly think part of it is linked to the loss of my grandma 3 and 1/2 years ago. She took ill in the middle of NaNo. I was doing okay with it writing everyday. Then she got sick and went into the hospital...everything else went on hold. She came home a week later, and died with in the week. Cancer is a cruel heartless bitch, let me tell ya. But since then...I've not been able to write.

My mind used to be flooding with scenes and plot ideas, so many I couldn't write them all down. Now...all I see is a blank wall...or a dark pit...I see nothing, I can't hear my Muse...it's too quiet and I miss her.

But I've got to try something...anything. And even IF I don't hit 50,000 words, which I don't expect to. And that's okay, I just want to be able to write...to get something started or pick up my WiP. SOMETHING! ANYTHING!!!! Even a few thousand words would be a success at this point.

So call my crazy...but I've got to try something.

My Idols

I wasn't always a reader. I started out with the mindset that I read enough with my school work that I didn't want to read for fun. But then around 12 years old, I discovered Laura Ingalls Wilder. Well, it wasn't a hard find really, I was watching the Little House series on TV. So I decided to check out the books and I fell in love. While I was reading Laura's tales, I also discovered Judy Blume. "Blubber" and "Are You There God, It's Me Margret?" were favorites to read. I ventured into other YA reads of my middle grade years. One I read several times by high school was Judy Blume's "Forever".

In high school, I was introduced to V.C. Andrews by a friend. I started with "Flowers in the Attic" and couldn't put her books down. I inhaled them all. And when I ran out of her books to read, I started over with "Flowers". I was quite sad with Ms. Andrews died, for I thought that meant no more books. But thanks to a ghost writer, her stories continue. Though I don't find him as good as her, they are still good in their own right.

I've read stuff by different authors as I grew older...the likes of Jackie Collins, Catherine Coulter, Dan Brown. But much as I liked their books, nothing beats those of my idols.

My idols being Kit Berry, J.K. Rowling and J.R.R. Tolkien. I think it will be fair to say I will be able to add Marion Zimmer Bradley to the list by the time I'm done with her books. Rowling weaves the tales of young witches and wizards and magic in a way I can only dream. Tolkien brings elves and dwarves to life, and wrote in such a way I could actually envision Middle Earth. And Kit...her tales of Stonewylde are so vivid that again I could visualize the scenes as I read them.

I have much to learn about writing. I'm always too worried about if I'd be doing it right or wrong. Should I plot or fly by the seat of my pants? Should I worry so much about showing more and telling less? How can I build my world and my characters into believable entities?

I can only hope that one day I will be even a smidgen of the greatest my idols are.

Falling Behind

I've majorly fallen behind in the challenge. My Muse is refusing to cooperate. I take out my notebook to write and I get nothing. When I do write I feel like I'm writing a "Dick and Jane" story.

So her I am sitting stuck at roughly 4 pages and I don't know what to do. I hate failing. Of course, it's 4 pages more than I'd written in months but still. I feel like I'm failing because this is such a doable challenge.

UGH! I really, really need my Muse to come home. Heck I'd even settle for a new one if she abandoned me for good.

Day 2

Today was a little slower then I'd have liked. Only managed to get just over a half page done.

I need to spend some time hashing out the couple of characters I do have at the moment. So that I know who and what I'm working with. It's hard working on a story when you don't know your characters too well. Unlike when I was working on my NaNo story 3 years ago...my main character just wouldn't be quiet. But Declan, he's very quiet...I'm trying to figure him out, but he's not helping me. He seems quite stubborn and the silent.

Hopefully Day 3 will be more productive.

Day 1

Made it through the first day. I was a bit skeptical if I could. I have Declan who keeps popping into my head but I don't know too much about him. So the way I'm portraying him know could change if this goes anywhere. Part of me wants to tie him into a previous WiP I have...but I don't know how I'd do that yet...if I do it. I'd have to rework where my original idea for that one was going.

But 1 page down, 55 more to go.

A new challenge

I've participated in NaNoWriMo in the past, and well for one reason or another I never finish it. But here's one that starts tomorrow that seems a bit more doable, and maybe it will help me to prepare for the next NaNo in November.

I heard about this challenge from Julie over at Julie Is Writing. It's being hosted by Swimmer.

One page a day starting May 6th and ending June 30th. Seems completely doable, I sort of despise word counts, though I know they are a necessary evil. Check out Swimmer's page for all the rules and Good Luck.

Writing

Writing's always been a passion. When I was in my teens I wrote a lot of poetry, all of which was lost unfortunately.

Nowadays, my writing is story based. Though, lacking...my Muse seems to have taken an extended vacation. She sends me the occasional postcard but it's not enough. I want to lure her back somehow. I want, need to get back to writing even if it's just for myself.

I thought this might be a good place to track my progress or lack there of, which ever the case may be. My passion to write is in the fantasy realm, with dragons, elves, faeries, gnomes, witches and wizards...castles and the like.

Her latest postcard to me was of a man named Declan. He's a Highlander. Hiding amongst the common folk, trying to escape his life as a Duke or Earl or some big shot (don't have that detail yet)...possibly a king even. But he's forced to reveal or reclaim his lands when they begin to fall into ruin and war. He has few friends that stand by his side...Elves and faerie folk of course.